how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
