is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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