I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You can't just leave with hair like that
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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