i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
