thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just googled if crying burns calories
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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