im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
