thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
