Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
