You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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