look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
