if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
