I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
