oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
