i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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