You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
