But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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