Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
