Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
