omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
