my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
