I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think my moral compass just broke
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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