He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
