maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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