I'm jealous of your bromance
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
