woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
