I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Your penis caused this!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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