Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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