i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
