Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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