just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
