ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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