you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
