You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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