just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
