Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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