I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
