I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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