We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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