everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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