i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
