I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
