Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
