ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
