Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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