Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I love you.
Bad choice
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
