At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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