Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
