He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
they're like a gay fantastic four
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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