I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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