thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
