Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
